---
id: This is a cruel and awful world
aliases: []
tags: []
---

All my life, I was told I had a gift.

Mathematical ability is often treated as such: a great benevolence upon a person, that marks them for one who will go far and succeed and do great things.

This is a lie.

I have nothing. My degree means nothing. I have two choices. The first is to fight tooth and nail to land a job, trudging though applications which are happy to hire you if you have a maths degree... as long as you also have 2+ years experience in whatever niche field they're hiring for too. This is not too bad if you carefully plan your career from your first year at university, which I tried to do! It was only later that I realised there is not a shred of passion in my body for data science. You may say, "Who cares? Plenty of people lack passion for their roles, they just trudge on through anyway", and maybe you're right. 

Maybe you're right.

Maybe I'm just pathetic and weak. I always have been, after all.




I fought for 6 years. I tried my hardest since first year A-level all the way to graduating, with a placement year in between. I **fought**. Yet I have nothing, and my fuel is gone. How can I "just trudge through"? I **have** trudged, yet it did me no good.